A Few Words About Grief and Loss

I wanted to start off by thanking everyone who has taken the time out of their busy lives to read and share my words. I'll never be able to express just how much your support means to me. I am truly touched by all the kind words and encouragement. It has made the transition of starting this new chapter much easier to navigate. 

I also wanted to thank all the people who have offered suggestions on topics to write about. Please keep those ideas coming! I go through phases where I have a lot to say and I'm writing regularly, to not having any new ideas and feeling a little stuck. Please feel free to leave a comment with any ideas you might have, along with any feedback you would like to offer up. It is all welcomed and very much appreciated.

The topic of loss has come up a few times since I launched my blog, and it's a topic that is relevant to all of us. I think it's important for us to talk about it and share how it's changed our lives. I understand that not everybody feels comfortable talking about theirs and I respect the heck out of that. Talking about mine has been cathartic and therapeutic for me. Getting my feelings out through my words has helped me to handle life a little bit better.

As beautiful as life can be at times, it can be equally devastating and painful. Unfortunately, the older we get, the more things happen that rock us to our very core. What we do during, and after, those times shapes the kind of people we become.

2023/early 2024 was a truly awful time for me and my family. My grandpa died in April, my dad 50 days later, and my grandma 8 months later. Devastating isn't even the right word to describe what happened. I'm still reeling from these losses.

My grandpa was my best friend for my whole life. I was so lucky to have him for 44 years. I know how fortunate I was to have had grandparents into adulthood, as most people I know weren't that lucky. He stepped up when my dad took off and played both roles of father and grandfather. We did everything together. I knew that one day I would lose him, but I put that thought so far in the back of my mind that I often forgot. He had dementia and watching his health decline over the last few years of his life was truly heartbreaking.

Losing my grandpa was like losing a piece of my heart. I was left with such overwhelming grief and a feeling of emptiness. It was the most profound loss of my life up to that point and I was struggling. Unfortunately, life is incredibly cruel and unpredictable. My dad had a fatal heart attack 50 days later.

My dad was the second most important man in my life. Like my grandpa, he stepped in and loved me like his own daughter. It was never even a question, he just did it. We butted heads as most dads and daughters do but we always had a special bond. The thing I admired the most about my dad was the love he had for my mom. His love knew no bounds. He looked at her after 25 years the same way he did when they first met. It was truly beautiful to witness.

Experiencing so much tragedy in such a short time shattered our family. There hadn't been enough time to mourn my grandpa and now my dad was gone. Seeing my mom in so much pain was the worst part. Watching someone you love suffering and not being able to help them makes you feel so helpless. All I wanted was to take her pain away. We held on tightly to one another and leaned on each other for support.

I spent a lot of time with my grandma after my grandpa died. It hurt my heart to see her sadness. My grandparents had been married for 69 years and my grandma seemed lost without him. In all of their years together, they had never spent a day apart. I was so proud of her for hanging on as long as she did. 8 months after losing my grandpa, we lost my grandma, too. It brought me comfort to know that they were reunited somewhere, in another lifetime.

It's been 8 months since losing Grandma Val. There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss her and grandpa and my dad. I already knew how fast life passed by, but that fact has never been more present than after these devastating losses. I make it a point every single day to be present and to enjoy the littlest moments in life. They say the littlest moments take up the most space in your heart and they were right.

Sadness washes over me sometimes and it feels like I can't breathe. It's like being hit by a big wave. I take a few minutes and reflect on how much has changed and the enormity of my loss. I try not to linger in that space too long because it's very dark. And the more time I spend there, the longer I want to stay. I know that they wouldn't want me to be sad. They would want me to remember the good times and all the fun we had. And so, I do. I flip through photos and smile or laugh to myself as I recall funny moments from weddings, holidays, birthdays and random Saturday afternoons.

I was lucky. I AM lucky, to have had so much love in my life. I am lucky to have so many sweet memories to think back on when I'm sad. I am lucky that I had three amazing people to love.

This life, it's so short. But we all know that. This life, it's also incredibly sweet and beautiful. Please let us remember the sweet and beautiful moments when the sad ones knock at our door.